Top 5 Fatties in the NFL

This column is infinitely easier to write than the NBA one was. For one, no skinny people exist on the offensive line in the NFL. Granted, "skinny" is a loose term thrown around the NFL, especially on the line where 290 pounds would be considered skinny. I don't want this to be all linemen, however. Until he lost weight, LenDale White was pushing 275 pounds. For a running back in the NFL, that is fat. There is definitely a lineman bias, but I snuck a skill position player in there just because I can. As a former lineman it makes me feel better that skill position players can gain the "fatty" title as well. Here they are, starting with number five.

5. Vince Wilfork

He is here more out of respect than anything else. I am a big Patriots fan and I am constantly amazed at how much space Wilfork eats in the middle of that line. He is 6'2", 325 but it surprising athletic for that size although he doesn't look like it based of off this play. It almost gives me goose bumps seeing that jiggly mountain of a man rumble bumble and stumble (Chris Berman reference)  his way down the field after that INT. He would be higher on this list, but I have too much respect for him.

4. Terrence Cody

Terrence Cody is the large man on top of Jamaal Charles (number 25 for the Chiefs) in case you didn't know. In this photo he seems to be saying, "Get in my belly." Just the way he completely engulfs the opposition was enough to land him on this prestigious list. He checks in at 6'6" and a massive 350 pounds. During the NFL combine there were multiple reports that he would never play in the NFL because he couldn't control his weight. At one point he was in the 375 range. He seems to have it kind of under control now. If you are looking for the funny out of this post, go to google images and type and in Terrence Cody. Look at all of the pictures of man boobs and thank me later.

3. Sebastian Janikowski

Okay, not really a skill position player, but he's not a lineman so cut me some slack. You can definitely see that pudge in this picture. I picture him as the type of player that probably plays most games either slightly drunk or hung over. Let's just say that you don't get that gut by drinking water. He's 6'2" and 250 pounds, as well as being very out of place at the kicker position. When you think of kickers, little 5'7", 165 lb guys probably pop into your head. He does have a shared record of longest field goal in NFL history at 63 yards, as well as this ridiculous attempt from 76 yards. Nothing wrong being a fatty if you're good. I'll drink to that.

2. BJ Raji

Just look at the way BJ Raji holds that football out there, like he's the king of the world. He is a serious gap stopper on the Packer defense and even got a couple of goal line carries as a fullback. He is 6'2" and 337, definitely fatty material. He also is the third nose tackle listed here, a position that must be popular among the "fatties." Actually come to think of it I was a nose tackle back in the day. There must be a reason so many fatties are drawn to it. I guess the main reason is you mostly are in the company of other fatties, and as fellow fatties they accept you for who you are: a fatty. There is nothing wrong with that Packers fans. Embrace BJ Raji being a top fatty. Hold this distinction as near to your hearts as you do your recent Super Bowl win.

1. Casey Hampton

I figured I might as well make 4 out of 5 of them Nose Tackles right? The number one spot is dedicated to fellow fatty Chad Hoy. Chad, I hope you read this sometime because I went through the effort of singling you out like that. Ladies, yes, Chad Hoy is single. Look him up on facebook. Anyway, Casey Hampton is another mountain of a man that clogs the middle of the Pittsburgh defensive line. He comes in at 6'1" and 325 pounds. I would not want to run into any of these guys in a dark alley, except maybe Janikowski, I could probably take him with these sweet moves I learned off of Youtube.

That is all for now, hope you enjoyed. Coming soon....MLB fatties. Prince Fielder, you have been warned.

Top 5 Fatties in the NBA

I'll be upfront with you, this post was inspired by Eddy Curry. Heat fans this year try to justify the signing by saying he's in the best shape of his career, thing is, he was never IN shape. Since I'm rolling with a fat theme here I though I trot out the top 5 fatties from the NBA, NFL, and MLB (starting with Prince Fielder on that one). I did extensive research and here are the unofficial official results, starting with number 5:

5. Glen Davis

You don't get the nickname "Big Baby" for no reason. Let's put in this way: Celtics fans are excited that Brandon Bass can jump more that 6 inches off the ground. Official stats on Big Baby- 6'9" , 290. Hopefully Orlando likes out of shape 4's that can barely get up and down the court. That last sentence was a joke. Sort of.

4. Luke Harangody

I think it's a rule that I must include one Irishman so here is my obligatory ginger. It was hard to find a picture of him in actual NBA action so that can only mean one thing: He's turrible. I hate to be racist, but I blame it on the red hair. He comes in at 6'7" 255. He's here not so much because he's fat, but because he's a redhead and looks goofy.

3. Baron Davis

I didn't want to make this all centers and forwards, and he is hefty by guard standards. He's 6'3" , 220 however he could drop 20 pounds if he shaved the beard. If not for a stretch last year when he got trade to the Clippers and actually tried, people may have thought he was sleepwalking through the entire NBA season. Sleepy all the time? Sounds like a fattie to me.

2. Charles Barkley

I purposely used an extra large picture to show how Sir Charles has packed on the pounds since his playing days. While not technically a player, he is a involved with the NBA through TV so close enough. He's 6'6" 280 and had this quote in 2009 "My doctor told me I was a Happy Meal away from diabetes. I have to get my fat ass back together." He is also turrible at swinging a golf club.

1. Eddy Curry

Finally, who this post was inspired by. If you see reports of Eddy Curry weightloss, don't believe it. At one point in time, people thought the earth was flat. If the earth was flat, it's just because Eddy Curry squished it flat. He has been a waste of space in every one of his stops in the league so far, nothing leads me to believe that Miami will be any different. He checks in at 7' , 320. Ladies and gentleman, fatties unite!

Fat People are always funny

First of all, thanks for reading this, whoever you are. I have recently become inspired to join the blogging community, even though I hate to write. Everywhere I go, I fall victim to a stereotype. People look at my size and immediately assume that I am funny. I get compared to people such as Chris Farley and Jack Black, two comedians of the hefty variety. While I appreciate the back-handed compliment, it's alot of pressure to bear on these broad but normal size shoulders. In order to please the masses(or the two or so people that will read this), I will try to blog about once a week; or whenever I get around to it. I am a huge sports fan, so most of the writing will probably focus on that, but I also plan to tackle pop culture(here's to you reality TV, also know as why comedians still have jobs). If you have any topic suggestions, my email is brian_chapple2000@yahoo.com. I suppose this is all for the first post.